Saturday, 7 December 2013

I came out to my housemates!

After months of thinking and worrying and hoping, I've finally come out to my roommates! And their response, as I suspected it would be, was very positive. Yay!

I moved into this house last May after responding to a roommate wanted ad, so I didn't know any of the people I was living with at first. They were all cis hetero guys in their early twenties. At the time I had no idea how significant crossdressing would become for me: the only girly things I owned when I moved in were a tube of mascara and a pair of women's jeans. But as I began to realize just how trans I was, I started to wonder if I should tell my roommates. Around this time I also came out to my friend AT, the first person I ever told.

Of my four roommates at the time, I thought three of them would be more or less okay with it. But the fourth guy I knew would not be. Well, that fourth guy turned out to be a thief and got himself kicked out of the house. AT just happened to be looking for a place at the time, and moved in to fill the empty room. It was totally serendipitous: the one housemate who I was sure wouldn't accept me was replaced by, at the time, the one person in the world whom I was already out to. After that minor miracle I pretty much made up mind that I would tell them.

That was back in July. Either because coming out is so hard or because I'm a coward, it took me till now to finally get around to it.

Yesterday evening I went down to the basement where they were playing billiards on our pool table. "Hey, can I talk to you guys about something?"
And it was so simple and so easy. I told them I was transgender and felt more comfortable dressing as a girl. I clarified that I'm attracted to girls and that crossdressing isn't a fetish for me. And they said, "Yeah man, that's totally okay. You gotta be yourself."
"So like, if you saw me in, say, a skirt or something, that wouldn't freak you out?" I wanted to be sure we were on the same page.
"That would be fine," they affirmed, adding that they appreciated my talking to them about it nonetheless.
"You guys have probably already noticed some stuff anyways," I suggested.
"Yeah... we had pretty clear idea already."
And that was it. I thanked them for being so accepting, and the conversation turned to something else.

I still can't believe I spent so much time worrying about something so small. And I'm free now! I can dress how I want around the house! Yaaaay!! (I should add that one roommate still doesn't know: he returned to his native Deutschland for the holidays and won't be back till January. But I'm sure he'll be just as accepting as the others.)
Eff you, closet!
I am now out to five people in total, four guys and one girl. I suppose mom and dad should be next on the list, but that conversation's going to be a lot scarier...


  1. And after all this time coming out to them turned out to be a non-event. This is great news and im happy for you that it went so easy. I wouldnt start wandering around the house in your girliest outfits just yet though (if you havent already), ease them into it I think! :)

    Coming out to the parents is a tough one, I suppose it depends on the direction you are going in. Currently, I would love to tell mine but I dont think its worth the hassle and potential heartache it can cause. I live so far away from home anyway its easy to keep them in the dark, although I do feel bad for keeping such a big secret. If I ever did decide to go full time though, then I suppose I would have to tell them.

    Carefully consider how they are going to react and if the positives of doing this will outweigh the negatives.

    1. Yes, easing them into it is definitely the way to go. I also need to ease myself into it, too. Until it actually happened I didn't realize how nervous I'd be presenting as female around people who know me as a guy. Today for example I was wearing jeans and a sweater (ie, not overly feminine) but I had a bra and breastforms on, and I felt kind of tense interacting with the roommates. They seemed unfazed by it though.

      I live in the same town as my parents, so it's a little harder to keep secrets. Not that long ago they just stopped by my house without calling ahead. Fortunately I was in boy mode, but I had nail polish on which they may have notcied.

      I know my parents will NOT be happy about my crossdressing, but I believe they'll still love and accept me: they may have old-fashioned views about gender, but they're not bad people. Also, as terrible as it sounds to say this, I think they'll partly be relieved just to know that I'm not gay. I've always been more effeminate than the average boy, and as I've never had a succesful long-term relationship with a girl, I think they wonder about my sexuality.

      But yeah, I will need to be very careful about how and when I come out, and even once I am out, I certainly won't be crossdressing around them any time soon.

  2. Way to go Ashley, it's so nice to read that it turned out to be not such a big deal. Having that freedom to express yourself anytime, and having some people to talk to as Ashley will be such a positive experience. And as for parents, that is a tough one, one that I am still working through the emotions. I came out to my mom two days ago, and I will have plenty to analyze when I get around to writing it all down. I'm glad I did it, even though it was a tough road to travel. Best of luck!

    1. Wow Katie, good for you for telling your mom! I hope it went well. I'll be looking forward to reading about it. :)

      The funny about the roommates is that, while they've been very supportive and accepting, they also don't really know anything about trans-ness, (which of course makes sense because they've probably never encountered it before). One of these days I'm going to have to have another conversation with them, in which I explain that when I'm a girl I'm a she, not a he, and that "hey man" is not the correct greeting. 'Cause as it is now, talking to them makes me feel more like a guy in drag, which I really don't like at all. But of course that's totally not their fault, they just don't know better.