Tuesday, 26 August 2014

Casual misogyny

I was walking down the street last Sunday. It was getting dark. I was in a sort of androgynous mode, by which I mean I wasn't making any attempt to pass as any particular gender. Like, I was carrying a purse, for example, but only because it's what I keep my wallet and phone in.

A very drunk man stumbled toward me and grumbled out, "Heeey, gorgeous! How are you??"

Okay, casual misogyny. That's a new experience. I looked down and kept walking. As I went past he said, suddenly and loudly, "Hey, wha—? Maaaaaaaan! You're a man!!"

I continued to ignore him, and he wandered off. The whole experience was kind of icky, though— certainly a "transition milestone" I could've done without.

The world's a different place when it sees you, even if only for a moment, as a woman.


  1. I've often wondered if a look I give people who deserve to be severely put in their place, something I call "The Ray" would still work if I was actively presenting as female. So far nobody has thought me female just by the plain black shoulder bag I carry for all the goodies I refuse to put in pockets.
    Ignoring seems to be the best strategy however I'd say.

    1. There's a part of me that wants to respond to this sort of thing by getting angry and hostile. That would never actually happen though: I am far too non-confrontational for that. (Which is just as well, because it wouldn't help anyways.)

      What would be ideal is if there were some way to try to educate the person, but I can't imagine what that would look like.

  2. I find the worst are the people who scream out of car windows, the very worst is when they're yelling at my kids, and the best was the guy who yelled (non-sarcastically) that he loved Jeremy's hair.

    I'm one of the strongest people at work so I get sent out to change garbages and throw the bags and recycling into the bins. Which means I regularly get customers telling me they don't understand why management didn't send a boy out instead. Umm... because it's my job?

    1. I've occasionally wanted to lean out my car window and tell someone I like their hair or their outfit, but I've never actually done it 'cause I'm always worried they'll think I'm just some random guy yelling at them.

      I occasionally load products from the warehouse into customers' vehicles at my job. Sometimes it's pretty heavy stuff, like 45 kg bags of sand. I can't help but wonder how some of them would react if I looked female.

    2. I guess it depends on how fast you're going. The guy who yelled at Jeremy was in the mall parking lot and I doubt they were going any faster than 10km/h at the time. Once you get too fast, the sound just smears. Someone yelled something at me yesterday while I was walking down the sidewalk to a nearby greenspace and I have no idea what he said. I'm running with the idea I likely didn't miss anything.

      And judging from previous reactions, some will be fine and some will lose their freaking minds LOL. "Should you be lifting that??? Isn't there anyone else who can do this? What was your boss thinking? Don't they have a boy working here?"

  3. As I think I commented once previously, it puzzles me that the stupider someone is, the louder they are about expressing their opinions. 'Tis a mystery...

    == Cass

  4. I nominated you for the Lovely Blog award recently and just got a head's up that no one got ping backs for the award, so I'm offering a belated congratulations! The information is here:

    And this would be a bad time to accidentally post with the wrong handle *double checks my user name*