Sunday, 14 September 2014

Facebook and bigotry

Yesterday on Facebook I posted a link to this darling photo and blurb about two Iowa women finally getting married after more than 70 years together. It's pretty darn heart-warming stuff.

I did so knowing that some of the people I'm friends with on Facebook aren't exactly open-minded. I knew it was entirely possible that the comments could devolve into a stupid religious debate about whether or not homosexuality is immoral. But even if that happened I assumed everyone would at least be charitable about it.

But nope. That didn't happen. The charitable part, I mean...

To be honest I was pretty upset about this last night. Remember, this isn't just some random person on the internet; this is someone I know personally.

The tricky thing is, I'm ultimately a recovering bigot myself. So I know that people can change and I know that simply returning insults does nothing to help that process.

And that makes it very hard to know how to reply, or if I even should.


  1. You called this idiot on their ignorance and homophobia, hon, and they doubled down. My two cents: they just proved they aren't worthy of being your friend. Life is too short.

    I say that as someone who has gone through this with members of my own family. They chose to be ignorant and hateful, and to ban me from their home. I could either sink to their level, or I could take the high road. I chose the latter, and have not regretted it for a moment. The loss is entirely theirs.

    Again, just my opinion. Perhaps others will have a different - and equally valid - take on it. No matter what, do NOT let this jerk affect how you feel about yourself. You're a better person than they will ever be, so don't waste your energy on them.


    P.S. Sorry about deleting my original reply. I noticed a typo, and as a writer/editor, I felt compelled to fix it! :c)

  2. Bleck :(

    Well, if you want a Facebook friend I've got a valid email address on my page (although that one actually doesn't go to Facebook). Theoretically I could just go and send a friend request because Wordpress shows me the email of everyone who's ever commented... but that would be beyond creepy. It actually made me uncomfortable when I went into my comment section and realized that.

    Otherwise I agree with Cassidy. You're not the jackass whisperer. That was the one good thing about Duck Dynasty last winter. I went through my Facebook and deleted everyone who supported them.

    And I love that picture. Can't remember if I actually shared it or just liked it half a dozen times on various friends' pages LOL

  3. You were just asking for trouble werent you? :)

    Dont let this person get to you. Its difficult when someone close to you can be so offensive. Its one thing to be friends with someone who has opposing views to you, since sometimes this can enrich a friendship. But there is no need for bigotry.

    It sounds as if you are hopeful that at some point this person will change, but unless there is a reason to change, it is highly unlikely he ever will. Its not my place to suggest cutting the person off, hes your friend, and you have a history that I am obviously not aware of. But something ive learned over the years is that if you have a friend who just gets you down, then you have to seriously question if this person is really a friend.

    Just remember the goodness of the story you shared, 70 years together. Thats an amazing achievement! :)

  4. I would have replied "I can't think of anything grosser than your bigotry" and then hit the unfriend button.

  5. Hey, thanks for the thoughts and advice everyone. In the end I realized that it's not my responsibility to change other people and I un-friended this guy. I'll still be perfectly civil if I see him in person of course, but we live in two different towns so it shouldn't be too hard to avoid that. Not happy about it, but it's better than having to put up with that kind of garbage.

    And Cass, I know how you feel— few things are more maddening to me than being unable to change a typo in a comment I've posted!

  6. Confession time, Ashley: I mentally edit billboards, restaurant menus, and signs. That's right: my name is Cassidy, and I'm an editor. lol I will understand if you have to stop following my blog. :D

    You handled the situation perfectly, btw. No need for drama; just move on. He is the loser, in every sense of the word.

    Enjoy your Saturday, hon!


    P.S. Check out Delta Spirit - think you'll like them: