Saturday, 26 October 2013

Not today

Before I go and visit my parents I take off all my nail polish. If they're going to stop by my house I hide all my skirts. I hate this arrangement. I feel like a liar. I so badly want them to know me as the person I am, not the one I pretend to be. Lately I've been thinking a lot about how and when I will make that happen.

Later today I and my brother and sister-in-law are all going over to mom and dad's for a belated Thanksgiving dinner. (Thanksgiving was two weeks ago, but we postponed it 'cause my dad was out of town). I had been thinking that, in many ways, today would be the perfect day to come out to them. And then something very sad happened.

A few days ago my mom's brother died of cancer.

She's apparently taking it pretty well: it's something we all knew was coming for a while. But still, I feel it would be very selfish of me to burden her with my silly gender issues at a time like this. She needs time and space to process his passing: it'd be unfair to give her something else to process on top of that.

So, I will not be coming out today.

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